Sometimes a mish mosh of thoughts come together in a way that just seems to work. Well perhaps this is why I piece and quilt, taking unrelated fabric lines from two different companies and setting the challenge of piecing and quilting seems to work for me. Years ago when I regularly attended conferences for work I there was a song that gave my heart peace in some challenging times. I’d not heard it in a while but it came up on a play list the other day reminding me of something incredibly beautiful. Refiners Fire by Brian Doerkson.
The following few lines have been my earworm for the last couple of days:
“Refiner’s fire my hearts one desire
is to be holy
Set apart for you, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for you, my Master
Ready to do your will”
Gold and silver are somewhat delicate. When they are refined for use care must be taken as the metal is worked to remove the impurities without heating to the point of damaging the metal. This story has been around for years and gives some insight.
When I heard this song the other day I started listening, really listening to the words and the last year or so suddenly made sense to me in a way that had not been in the forefront of my thinking. And no, I don’t think God has been punishing me for being “bad” or “mean” I know God has been drawing me closer to Himself, reminding me of who He wants me to be, reflecting His love and mercy and gentleness.
Directly related I wrote something on TerifiCreations that touched someone deeply. I won’t go into details here because ultimately they don’t matter. That said my response to this persons reply:
“I, for one, am very grateful we don’t all get what we deserve you know the road to hell, good intentions
but once in a while – a generous heart just speak.
and I’m compelled to listen, and hear
It’s not always easy to be so brutally honest but there you are.”
This person has a generosity of heart that speaks deeply to me. Very deeply. I am not in any way shape or form perfect. There are moments of my days where sometimes, though I really want to do the good that is being asked: to treat people with kindness and respect. This is sometimes very difficult, and yet it is what is being asked. With this person it was easier because of that generosity of heart. I do know that my intentions and actions can sometimes pave that road to hell. I’ve lived it for the last couple of years. I can see, in a very specific relationship, where that’s happened. I also know in that relationship (not the one I speak of with the above response) there is nothing I can do to repair the damage. It’s experience that tells me that. It makes me deeply saddened because it didn’t need to be. The intention behind the conversation was to be supportive and whoooo boy did it backfire on me (hence the road to hell).
This situation is allowing me to further see that it’s important to be ever more deeply patient with people. It’s allowing me to see that subscribing to “what goes around comes around” is essentially wishing people harm, that they “reap what they sow”. Sometimes they don’t sow the gruff behavior, the holding onto and focusing in on painful moments. The person may be reaping what someone else sowed. So I am grateful I don’t always get what I deserve. I am grateful for a generosity of heart, for forgiveness and the willingness to have the deep and painful conversations.
As Advent is over and we move into the Christmas season I wish you a Merry Christmas and a new year filled with peace and joy.