I said to a friend, “the ache becomes familiar over time”. The ache of grief never really goes away. It’s there, niggling at the edge of the heart and mind until something reminds our heart and whew! The response of our heart flows down our face unbidden, inconvenient. The evidence remains and we’re unable to cover it up. We’re left exposed the ache apparent on our faces, our heart on our sleeve.
Grief washes over us at unexpected moments. In cars, at the laundromat, teaching at quilt shows, shopping, in the park, watching tv, reading blogs, listening to the radio. There is still one song that I hear that brings my dad to mind in a way where the grief is apparent. Not as intense or obvious as it once was but there, reminding me of the physical loss. And I can not help but see the time twice a day that reminds me of another loss – painful but different. And then there’s the pin on the photo. It is one I wear over my heart now and again, a comfort and gentle reminder of well, the physical loss. One that I am grateful for because her physical suffering is over. And yet the longing to speak with these folks is present ebbing and flowing with whatever is going on in my life.
We look to get over it far too soon. Get our world all set to rights and be “happy” again. I think, no, I know it’s important to grieve for as long as it takes and recognize that for some the process will take longer than it does for others.
Grief is a part of life. Why do we want to hide and bury it? Why do we push it aside? I know, I get it. It’s painful. It hurts. The heartache is sometimes physically painful. The ache does become painful. I have this photo of my dad, it very much captures him, behind the camera, observing, all too keenly sometimes. It makes me smile and the memories of some serious beauty come flooding into memory. The song comes plays and I’m reminded, the grief is still there but it’s not as intense as it once was.
Don’t hurry through grief. Don’t hurry set aside loss as though. . .
Grief, loss are a time to reach out, share memories and be with people. It’s time to hear the stories. It’s a time to experience sadness.
oh dear friends please don’t be worried for me. I grieve now and again. I choose to experience the grief, let it have it’s way and go on.
and yes this is related to quilting oh in so many ways. I’ll let you go there,
I think, you know the way.