Sometimes in the quiet a song comes to the surface of my heart reminding me that I’ve been praying this type of prayer for as long as I can remember. “God I love you, I want what you want in my life.” Often this is exemplified by a song, or a prayer (which is a song of the heart)…the words change over time, however it’s the same. Over the last few days this song:
niggled up to my heart, and into my brain, reminding me of this type of prayer of this longing heart. Right around the same time that “Song of a Servant” was popular I was learning about St. Ignatius of Loyola and this Prayer:
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will.
All I have, and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To You, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.
And then in thinking a bit more, there is a Psalm (probably several) that speak the same thing, “I’m Yours Lord, You created me, do what you want.” It is no wonder then, that Oceans by Hillsong has resonated do deeply with me. It is no wonder then, that I’ve been praying this prayer, because I’ve been praying this prayer. My heart longs to do what God wants, to go where He wants me to go, to be present to the people God wants me to be present with and to.
Reminders of different prayers are coming quickly, into my heart/brain as I type, reminding me of that first prayer. The longing of the heart to be closer to God, through saying, “Yes.” It is also recognizing that this prayer does not lead to “bad things happening” but it leads to moments when I need to take action on these prayers. I need to trust deeply. I need to look for the mercy, the grace, and cling to the hope that is invested in these prayers. That the worry, and anxiety that are natural are opportunities hold God’s hand in prayer, delving deeper into Faith, diving deeper into Faith. Letting go of the things I long for, while they may be good things, holy things even.
My heart yearns to explore quilting more deeply. To see where I can take it. To push the boundaries. To not so much make something new, or exciting but to do what I do better. I want to give this gift of quilting back to God and see what happens. There is some underlying longing here that I is difficult to articulate. Okay, honestly, I can’t put words to this longing. I know there is more here, I can’t see what & why. It’s time to step out in faith and see where this goes. I have some quilterly work to do…now to figure out how to get it done. Lord, help me to see this quilterly path.